Thank You for Calling

This week Kat, from Three Bedroom Bungalow joins Toni for a chat about customer service calls. Kat is an American living in England.

Kat:

When my family first moved to the UK I was in charge of setting up all the accounts for the new house.  This included of course the phone, the water, the TV, the TV tax, the electricity and the list goes on.  I however was not bothered by the fact that I had to set up all these accounts because I was having entirely too much fun listening to the messages that these companies had on their phone lines while I was waiting to speak to a real life human being. 

There was the bog standard bad muzak being played, however, occasionally a voice would break in and remind you that your satisfaction was very important.  In fact, your satisfaction is so important that the voice would then start to profusely apologise for any inconvenience that you may experience while holding for a representative.  Wait, what?  Do people not expect to hold for a representative here in UK?  Am I supposed to be connected right away all the time?  What foreign concept is this?  I actually found it so funny at first that while I was doodling on the piece of paper in front of me that I wrote down the entire hold message to read out to my husband when he got home from work.  It was that funny.

Of course I later learned that, no, I am not going to get through automatically to a representative.  British telephone customer service just dictates that they must apologise no matter what.  Even if they have done nothing wrong.  I could be calling to tell the company that they have the best service ever, but if I wait more than a tick, I had better be appologised to! 

Now I just wish that the utility companies who have the best hold messages ever would train the shop assistants that barely acknowledge my existence. 

Toni:

The thing that always makes me laugh about customer service calls in the States is the voice prompt call. When my kids know I’m on one of these calls, they gather round to watch the show.

The fact that my telephone number has two fours in it kicks things off as British pronunciation apparently sounds more like “oh”. Then I have to attempt an American accent to spell my name H-A-Aaaaaarrrrr –G-I-S, at which point the kids are on the floor pointing at me and muttering about Jack Sparrow

Then I’m on hold, which is interrupted every thirty seconds by a soothing female voice telling me my call is very important to her but why don’t I sod off to the web site and stop wasting everyone’s time. Well not quite, but it’s very obvious that Internet is their preferred method of communication. Tough if you’re phoning about a computer or web site problem isn’t it?

When my call is finally answered the introduction is so long I forget why I’m calling. Last week I wanted to find out where I could by my vacuum bags, which seem to have been discontinued (just the bags, mind you). After being re-routed to Uranus and back, the nice man wouldn’t answer my question until I’d set up an account.

“Why do I need to set up an account to ask you a questions?”, I pleaded.

“So that we have all your details if you call again”, was the nonsensical reply.

“Never mind, I’ll just do a web search”.

Thank you for calling. Is there anything else we can help you with?”

Else? Else? 

It’s enough to drive you to the web site.

Dining Across the Pond

Following on from last week's comments about dining, we decided to take a closer look at the whole experience on either side of the Pond.

Toni:

If you want to go out for an evening in the States, don't just count on dinner. Here in Chicago, we have hundreds of great restaurants from posh to ultra casual. Unless you go to the uber expensive Charlie Trotters or Tru, where it's a guaranteed three hours, you can literally have a full dinner and be back in your home in about an hour. Thirty minutes if you ask them to hurry. Some restaurants and take-out sandwich places even have signs promising that if your order isn't produced within a certain time frame, it's free.

Here's how American dining goes -

Sit down at the table, waiter comes immediately with menus and to take the drink order (that bit I like), and tell you the specials. S/he will be back within two minutes to take your order, which isn't good for ditherers like me, or if you want to have a conversation with your fellow diner. Unfortunately, if you ask them for more time, they will disappear for what seems like hours. Courses will arrive in record time on the whole, sometimes before you're quite finished the one before. When you've finished your meal, they'll ask you if you want coffee, holding the bill behind their back, all the better to whisk you out of the restaurant should you decline. Gotta turn those tables.

Sometimes at this point I deliberately sit and chat just to mess with the waiter. (Very cruel I know. They have a living to make.) If you don't sign the bill and leave your credit card out (none of them fancy hand-held whats-its here), the desperate waiter will return to your table several times begging "Please pay and leave Can I get you anything else". I have never actually been asked to leave, but my goodness they come very close.

Dining in the USA - enough to give you heartburn!

Mike:

Dining out in the UK can either be described as an enjoyably relaxed experience, or, if you’re an American in a big hurry (as we always seem to be) a waste of time.
Back in the States, I used to be able leave my office, go to a nearby restaurant, have lunch and return before my half-hour lunch break was over. I get a 45 minute lunch break at my current job, but I wouldn’t try something like that over here.

Now I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. People like me need to learn to sit and relax, but when I am seated at a table, I expect a waiter to come by before it occurs to me that I have been sitting, unattended, for quite some time. To me, it is perfectly acceptable to walk out of a restaurant after ten minutes have elapsed without someone appearing at my table to take my order.

But that’s just me and my inborn impatience. Free ice water and immediate service are my birthrights, and I expect them. Now. But once you get into the rhythm, and leave the frenetic pace of an American meal behind you, dining in the UK is actually quite agreeable.

First of all, the table attendants generally don’t greet you like an old friend and leave you feeling like you should add them to your Christmas card list. They will take your drink order, then leave you with enough time to make a meal decision (or, in my wife’s case, to decide on something, change her mind, change it back and then decide on something else). The food arrives, sometimes very soon, sometimes not so soon, but it always arrives at the same time (though I don’t know of this being a problem in the US, either).

But the biggest difference is after the meal, when the dessert is finished and the coffee has arrived. They don’t bring the bill with it. They leave you completely alone, allowing you to sip your coffee or the last of your wine, have a nice, leisurely conversation, and only bring the check (sorry, the bill) when you are ready for it.

This is pleasant and enjoyable and, having been here so long, something I have grown to expect, so does come as a shock when, during visits to the US, I find the check accompanying my apple crumble, along with the clear expectation to pay up and leave.

It’s enough to want to make me remove “Hi, I’m Mandy and I’ll be your server,” from my Christmas card list.

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