Spooktacular (and silly) stories

There have been some funny news stories on both sides of the pond this past week, so we thought we’d share.

Toni:

This pathetic report comes from Carroll, Ohio, in the US. Two young idiots were reported as attempting to break into an apartment, and described by the caller as having “painted faces”. Given that it was the week before Halloween you’d be forgiven for imagining Joker make-up or perhaps all black make-up. Well sort of... in a very amateur, makeshift kind of way. Can you believe it? When the police chased down their car, they were still wearing their erm, magic marker faces.

Then there’s the story of the homeless man in Florida who stole a ferret from a pet store, stuffed it down his trousers to hide it (does the man have a deathwish?) and then used it as a weapon when confronted. This makes the ferret a “special weapon” under Florida law and he is being charged with battery for dangerously wielding the ferret. And all he wanted was to be Doctor DooLittle for Halloween.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the annual coffin races held in Manitou Springs, Colorado. The ghoulishness of this event is two fold, as not only are they racing in home-made coffins, (which actually look rather more like shopping trolleys/carts to me), but it's in memory of a young (deceased) girl, Emma, who was accidentally exhumed by nature and whose coffin contents came hurtling back down the mountain. You'd better read it for yourselves.

Mike:

In my quest for Halloween-related news, I discovered that there is a werewolf living in Wrexham (but it's probably just an old hermit hiding in the wood), that Marge Simpson is appearing as the cover girl on Playboy this month(but that is, technically, not about Halloween, nor


does it, technically, take place in Britain) and that "Spotted Dick" can now reclaim its rightful place on the Flintshire menus after the PC Police backed down(but that's only frightening to people who are afraid of becoming too familiar with men named "Richard").

Fortunately, I came upon a true (if you buy into this sort of thing) ghost story involving Aspley House pub in Hampshire and a generous poltergeist that is getting on the nerves of the landlady. Nothing pulls in the punters like a good ghost story, and this one is no different, but no matter how many customers squeeze into the traditional, neighborhood pub, the business can't turn a decent profit because the ghost keeps topping up the pints. That's right, if you buy a pint, drink a bit, then nip off to the loo, when you return you may find an extra inch of beer in your glass.

According to Janice McCormack, it's playing havoc with her inventory because the extra beer is coming out of her pumps. This leads me to believe it must be the spirit of a disgruntled ex-employee bent on getting revenge on the publican. Or it might be a prank played by untimely-departed Victorian girls who knew the establishment as a school. It also could be a haunting by a guilt-ridden counsellor who spent his wretched life bilking his constituents from his office in the erstwhile girls school and soon-to-be-pub and now faces an eternity of trying to make amends. The ghost, nicknamed Reedy, appeared about nine months ago, but Ms McCormack can't wait for him to leave. She is planning on holding a séance and enlisting the aid of an exorcist. Merits watching, especially if it doesn't work; then we can always pop in for a never-ending pint, courtesy of Reedy. If ghosts aren't your thing, you can, at least, be cheered by the news that the gals in Liverpool have the biggest breasts in Britain. Welcome news, indeed, if you happen to be a Scouser.

Got something you want us to address? E-mail your suggestion to us or just pop it into the comment box.